Friendship

What does it mean to be a true friend? I have many friends at Clemson…300 plus according to Facebook, but how many of these people do I truly know? I feel as if 99% of the “friendships” that we have in this world are merely artificial acknowledgements of recognition. Imagine what would happen if the phrase, “Hey how are you?” was banned from the English language. People would cease to communicate with each other. How many times a day do we say it? 20? 30 maybe? And how many of those times do we actually mean it? Over half the time we pass by before even hearing the response. In all fairness the response to this question is just as generic as the question itself. 95% of the time the response is “good” (or well if the person is one of those people who always have to be grammatically correct). If you actually stop to think about it though, how many times do you really mean it? You could be having the worst day in the world…you’re alarm clock didn’t go off and you missed your final in the hardest class possible, your significant other decided to break up with you after dating for 5 yrs, and to top it off you just found out your grandmother died…and yet if someone were to pass you on the street and ask you how you were, chances are your response would be “Good. And you?” So what is the point in saying it? If phrases lose their meaning, are they worthy of still being used?
Some may make the argument that the people that you give the generic answer to aren’t your true friends anyways. There are many people that we meet in our lives and most of them are mere acquaintances. They would argue that you can’t show your true feelings to everyone that you come in contact with so giving a generic answer to a generic question is perfectly acceptable because it at least tells them that you acknowledge their existence. These people would say that with your true friends you would open up and be much more elaborate in how you are feeling. Well, if this is the meaning of a true friend…how many of those do we really have? How many people actually know how you feel, know your deepest darkest secrets? And you the same for them? Because if this is the definition of friendship, how many friends would you have? 2? 3?
Don’t get me wrong, there are many different levels of friendship in between the generic answer people that you pass going to class and your true friends, but I think that the term “friend” is used way too frequently. You can have various types of friendship such as the one where one friend shares more than the other one, a friend that you discuss only one type of secret with versus another friend that you share some other secret with. The essential element in a friendship though is that you get deep. All the dirty messy stuff in our lives is revealed. On the flip side of things, in order to be a true friend you must be willing to hear the other person’s deep dark secrets and still accept them for the person that they are.
Sometimes I feel as if in my group of friends, we hide behind the touchy, feely emotions part of our friendship to avoid getting real with each other. Even though it pains me to say it, I feel like some of my so called “friends” really aren’t my friends at all. Don’t get me wrong, I love these people with all my heart, but yet I have failed them in the greatest respect. I have let hugs and “hey how are you?”s to get in the way of actually talking to them. Of sitting down and finding out who they are as a person. In this respect, I feel as if we are not doing what we are truly called to do in this world. I’m not sure if there is an easy solution to the problem, but one thing is for certain…as long as we are open and honest with ourselves and others, we can have true friendship. So I challenge everyone to try and have real conversations with the people you come in contact with in your day to day lives.